R.D. Antel
Any Pronouns. Adult. Exhausted queer deer.I spend my time thinking and learning. There's a lot of things I don't know, so of course I seek out information and share such with others. Even though I wouldn't consider myself a skilled writer, I've grown too tired of being complacent via silence or by giving empty platitudes that validate the aversion towards questioning the self's knowledge on complex topics.
No sugarcoating beyond this point.
Here you can find my personal commentary and criticisms on various topics.
No AI has been used in the production of these musings.
The Stones We Throw Are Not Of Our Own
The underlying problem in our progressive spaces that bears repeating is failing to keep ourselves in check, by lacking the accountability regarding the behaviors we adopt. We spend so much of our time surrounded by oppressive entities, we end up becoming like them whether we realize it or not. It may not be our fault, but we are still responsible for the actions and words we choose no matter what label we apply to ourselves. One's sense of morality can still be just as nebulous as they see it in others. Perfect purity does not, and cannot ever exist.The oppressors that rule over us do their damnedest to discourage any sense of critical analysis and depth of thought to force the average citizen into unconditional obedience and complicitness, and such efforts have bled into our progressive spaces, resulting in peer-on-peer persecution that amounts to ableism, racism, and most ironically, various forms of queerphobia. Many of us in queer, neurodivergent & POC spaces already experience a degree of self-hatred due to the vitriolic environment we're stuck in for an extended period. This self-hatred has no basis in being treated and projected as righteousness—it is a distraction that turns us into pawns for the oppressors, vilifying each other over threats that do not exist in the way we're convinced. The effort it takes for wealthy elite to establish their power is reduced thanks to the distraction. And yet, the wide scale cycle of abuse we find ourselves trapped in has bred a notorious storm cloud of animosity among us. Our undoing is not just the boots above us, but the lack of compassion and patience in our communities that we need in order to unite, resulting in the conservative hierarchies and status quo being upheld, all for the sake of ignorantly pursuing the bullshit status of a "model minority".
You were taught to throw your peers under the bus just to do the dirty work of white colonists under the guise of being accepted by them, or whatever queer clique has your attention. This lie has infested progressive communities for far too long, turning friend groups into cults. Don't be a useful idiot.Put down the stones and pick up your spears. Face them upwards, not to the sides. The bloody gravel we blindly collect as ammunition is nothing more than the residue lodged within the sole of the boots—a remnant of the true enemy's power while being a deadweight in our hands.
Callout Culture Creates Contrived Chaos
If you've been in any online fandom space for long enough, you've likely seen various users calling out an individual or group for actions deemed "problematic" as a way to warn others in order to protect themselves; sometimes by document, other times by video. Many assume good faith and sincerity due to this notion: If it wasn't such a big issue and they weren't a predator or abuser, why is it a public announcement? And this default assumption is where the issue lies. The Venn Diagram of callout culture and the mainstream news cycle is rather close to a circle in my eyes. Tabloids never died, they just adapted to the internet.When a callout is posted, depending on how desensitized you are, you're immediately on high alert. You read all the evidence and arguments against this individual, and your blood boils, your teeth chatter, you feel like vomiting, or all three. You share this document or video to your fellow friends and communities and feel a sense of pride for alerting them. Those emotions you feel? That's what opportunists take advantage of—otherwise, these callouts have little to no effect of spreading around. For better or worse, a response is presented afterwards, either by the target or a third party, and water is either cleansed, or muddied even further. Either way, a storm cloud of animosity and distrust looms over everyone, but not without an occasional lightning strike of exile, or high speed winds dismantling shelters of communities. The sky may become clear, but the damage by the lightning is already done, and there's no telling of how likely repair is to happen.The communities we engage with already have sets of hostile and impulsive cliques before the culture of late 2010s commentary channels on YouTube came around, the 2018 Tumblr exodus, and the COVID pandemic forcing everyone indoors, including some of the most insufferable figures around—why is this beast of vapid justice permitted to keep rearing its ugly head?It's naïve to assume that every callout is made in good faith, especially after witnessing multiple over the years—Those driven by malice find the format useful for making a trojan horse of hit-pieces against whoever they deem to be unworthy of peace & respect, as part of a personal vendetta driven by either revenge, envy or bigotry. All that is needed is to present the information in a way that's indistinguishable from a sincere PSA for a proper threat, and the emotional weight of abuse topics, combined with a lack of understanding of such, the fear of the unknown and lack of background knowledge of the parties involved is what gives these callouts leverage and form a tight grip on your attention. Hyperbole, cherry-picking, misappropriation, the usage of progressive language and various other fallacies fool people into assuming the worst of the target, all while discouraging further investigation by claiming it's for the sake of privacy. Sugarcoated lies to manipulate the narrative for the sake of the spectacle and its ripple effect, taking advantage of the fear of the unknown, and then the claims presented by the victims of distinct genuine cases of predatory actions are delegitimized.Feel free to call this claim dubious, but I'm willing to bet the nature of callout culture as a whole has contributed to people developing anxiety or OCD-like tendencies in adulthood—I've seen this within myself as I would constantly hyper-analyze my own behaviors out of fear of being misconstrued despite the values I hold with conviction, and I'm absolutely done dealing with it. It's baffling and infuriating to see so many people end up in a panic for their safety simply because they apparently aren't some "model citizen" with a set of "correct" behaviors in the eyes of persecutors. Even with any modicum of good faith by discouraging the harassment of the parties involved, it will happen to a degree no matter what, because of the opportunists that will catch wind of the dirty laundry that's been aired out for everyone to see instead of being washed at home. The internet space is far too vast and interconnected to assume otherwise.
This kind of performative outrage enables anti-shippers to harass others by providing a moral shield for their attacks. Antis justify sending death threats to fellow fans and creators because they claim people who support “bad” ships promote those broadly objectionable things. Therefore, antis claim they are simply trying to protect their community from creating, engaging, and spreading inappropriate content (regardless if the content is actually inappropriate).— Sean Z., guest writer for GeekDad, "Toxic Fandom: When Criticism and Entitlement Go Too Far", Medium
It's deception merely for the selfish benefit of turning peers and fans against the target to drive them away from public spaces due to fear, not to protect anyone who's vulnerable as it's claimed. Nobody is fully immune to being manipulated by these callouts or those who are urged to make them—I'm certainly not, and the same goes to you, whether you accept it or not. What's important is that this is recognized as an issue of judgement and a mistake you can rectify instead of being dismissed as a personal attack on your morality, because everyone's judgement and morality can and will be a hazy set of greys. You are capable of improving only if you allow yourself to be imperfect, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.It is imperative to make an effort to check the validity of the claims made against an individual, lest the credibility of the author(s) is improperly gauged as higher than it should be, leading to further destructive actions. Always ask questions and investigate as much as you can within reason if anything seems suspicious, no matter how irrelevant it may seem when considered in that moment. Don't put your emotional reactions over logical reasoning, because you can't always fix what's broken—or specifically in various cases, sabotaged.
Justice should be restorative and provide benefit to the victims or the pursuit of proper harm-prevention, not based on a personal vendetta or dispute that can very likely be resolved in private.
Why I don't think icky fiction makes anyone an icky person
During my time online, I have not only been a witness to the constant moral panics regarding fiction and fantasy over the years, but I have also (regrettably) been a part of the crowd that apparently think it's acceptable to instigate over such, ranging from targeted online harassment over someone's preferred ship being drawn, to violent physical threats towards TV show creators and convention attendees, and it's argued as necessary with the faux-progressive reasoning of "protecting victims". The rhetoric of someone's morality or risk of being a predator being based on personal assumptions of that person's exploration of various adult and taboo topics is a shallow and obscene misconstruing of how we engage with art, adult content and activities—reducing it all to a battle of virtue signaling within a stressful, headache-inducing discourse of whether or not something is being "normalized", "glorified", or whatever other set of buzzwords people use, as if fiction and fantasy have served only as moral instructions to be taken at surface level.Years ago, I had learned to stop making a fuss so easily like others do about media people call gross or "problematic" or other private activities people indulge in, and it comes down to these 5 reasons:
1. I do not know these people.
2. It's none of my business.
3. Feelings don't determine all behaviors by themselves.
4. Thought crimes do not, and should not, exist.
5. The demand to ban fictional media is rooted in censorship—an enemy of all creatives.
So let's go over these below.
1. I do not know these people.
I'm a complete stranger to the people that engage with various adult content and activities in the grand scheme of it all, so there's no reason or benefit for me to overestimate how much I can learn about a person when we all naturally share only a fraction of our lives with others. Yes, fiction does affect reality, but it doesn't affect everyone the same way; that's how opinions exist in the first place after all. Everyone experiences life in their own unique way due to differing environments and how our brains are wired, even with the various patterns we take notice of.
2. It's none of my business.
I have not been given the authority to speak on other people's endeavors as I am not involved with them as a medical professional, counselor, partner, or whatever else. It's not my place to play detective and forcefully pry into people's lives or hyper-analyze a small detail and extrapolate an entire story like a gossip columnist; I'm not here for that "he said she said" bullshit. Unless there's irrefutable evidence that someone is put into harm's way or is at high risk of such, or someone is in possession of material that would not exist without a non-consenting individual being directly involved in its creation, I do not care. Anecdotal evidence will not satisfy me as it does not represent all cases, and nobody with any sense is arguing that abuse doesn't happen at all.
Please be mindful of your negativity bias—positivity is often underreported because it doesn't make headlines to put money in reporters' pockets as much as a juicy story to gossip or fearmonger about would. (This is, to an extent, also survivorship bias at play.)With that said though, asking questions and doing proper research is imperative in gaining a proper understanding of a person's interests and endeavors—it's a matter of doing so in good faith and out of genuine curiosity, not to collect dirt on other people. Directly demanding that someone exposes a vulnerable part of themselves purely as leverage to shut down any criticism of this moral panic is terribly shallow and self-absorbed and sometimes, arguably more dangerous than who you claim to be such over their media indulgence.
What reasoning is there to say they should trust you, someone who's possibly a complete stranger to them, with such sensitive information? How can they feel assured you don't have any ulterior motive behind your own acts?
3. Feelings don't determine all behaviors by themselves.
Self-control involves putting necessary emphasis on logic, reasoning, and the consideration of possible consequences of actions before committing to them, instead of letting emotions take the reigns. If you're capable of doing such, acknowledging the possible harm that's caused by certain actions and deciding against them, you're already multiple steps ahead of other people.
I have yet to be shown anything that convinces me that anyone engaging in "problematic media" would be guaranteed to be lacking in this skill or lose it outright, especially when, for example, we come to the defense of violent content in films and video games when those are subjected to being scapegoated for various criminal acts (such as mass shootings), all thanks to the biases within media coverage and government entities.It's actually really insulting to assume someone is incapable of maintaining their behavioral standards when engaging in fictional media that depicts actions that personally disgust you—it's insinuating that people are forever too stupid to have their own moral conviction and thus must be spoon-fed "right & wrong" by the creators when they explore taboo topics, as if parents over history haven't already been doing so for their children. Of course people don't take that well; you're overestimating what you know about complete strangers and projecting your perception onto them as an excuse to treat them as the enemy.
Creators of fiction are not your babysitters.
4. Thought crimes do not, and should not, exist.
If mind-reading was an actual thing, the continuous onslaught of information would practically make your brain shrivel like a raisin, and yet, you still wouldn't get a full picture of what the other person is like because everyone would still love to cherry-pick whatever fits a narrative, fabricated or not. This should also tell you that there's no reason to expect to be immune to being demonized for your own thoughts. Your sense of morality and judgement can still be just as cloudy and messy as anyone else. Everyone has a bad thought every now and then; it's part of earthly experience. It's only when you're consistently tormented by intrusive thoughts that poses a cause for concern.
Fictional characters are nothing more than narrative devices made to push a story forward or express an idea. Yes, they can emulate the mannerisms an actions of real beings, but that's where it ends. There's no benefit or logic to treating them as idols that reflect on one's morality and project such mentality onto others, as their form is forever at the whim of whoever is writing them.A major reason people indulge in icky fiction is because it allows them to process their feelings and experiences in a healthy manner. This act of placing your thoughts on paper has been proven by therapists and other professionals to be beneficial to those who have experienced traumatic events or suffer from OCD and other mental conditions—serving as an outlet to express the unwanted noise of intrusive thoughts, allowing for inner peace and a clearer perspective once they can dissect the noise and piece things together. If a piece of fiction drives you to commit an atrocity, you likely already had significant baggage that was left unresolved for far too long. Persecution based on thoughts and feelings alone, whether expressed outwards or not, is naïve at best and downright ableist at worst. You're demanding that all that you do not see meets your personal standards—calling upon the overcorrection of thoughts born of the subconscious with absolutely no regard for how the control the individual has over their mind can vary.
5. The demand to ban fictional media is rooted in censorship—an enemy of all creatives.
The consequences of allowing legislation to determine what speech and media is acceptable will be much more dire than you would expect, because the Law makes no distinction as to what you find inappropriate.
Here's an example of this rhetoric in action: Mike Diana was the first U.S. citizen to be prosecuted for obscenity in 1992 due to his comic, "Boiled Angel" which featured graphic and taboo illustrations. His sentence included the following:
1. 3 years on probation (at first)
2. A fine of $3,000
3. Over a thousand hours of community service
4. No interactions or shared spaces with anyone under 18 years of age
5. Forbidden from creating any illustrations, and was subjected to unannounced, warrantless searches and seizures of his home, as creating any additional illustrations would breach his probation
It wasn't until February of 2020 was Mike released from probation, after having multiple appeals denied.Is this truly a world worth making into a complete reality, where your right to free speech, privacy, and artistic expression, online or offline, is so easily dismantled in favor of a faceless government entity that desires control over the common people?
Censorship is nothing more than a surveillance tactic, not a protective action in favor of vulnerable citizens. It restricts our language and will make the uncomfortable yet necessary conversations and discussions even harder to have, and put more people in danger by not providing them with the resources to keep themselves and their communities safe. You are not immune to such just because of this flippant "nothing to hide, nothing to fear" mentality, as it fails to acknowledge the discrepancy between other people's ideas of what is considered "wrong". In the current time where we have various surveillance vendors infesting our communities at an alarming rate—using technology that is susceptible to security breaches, hijacking, and misuse by their own employees—the tactics put in place borne of this perverse attitude will only make things worse for everyone.
Legality is not a guide for morality. Don't let yourself be gaslit into advocating for government overreach.Over history, there's been a constant battle against multiple efforts by government and corporate entities—particularly payment processors and card companies as of the mid 2020s—to de-bank and criminalize those who engage in any form of "obscenity", and it doesn't stop at the adult content you feel gross about or consider immoral; anything that's LGBTQ+ has been regarded as "adult content" that is "harmful for the youth" by U.S. Legislation, and this is during the constant push to have LGBTQ+ and other forms of queerness to be fully decriminalized so that communities don't have to hide themselves and rely on code phrases anymore.
One creator of notoriety who revels in this bigoted rhetoric has used the funding they earned from a franchise based on a particular fictional wizard with glasses to fund various groups that endorse such a vile statement on a government level. That in particular, is what I would consider "problematic media", not the self-indulgent adult works someone made in their bedroom at 2 AM, no matter how gross or "morally bankrupt" you think it is.It's about time to reconsider some of those callouts posts you've seen over time. You have the freedom to curate your space and are given the tools to do so: Muting, Blocking and Tag Filtering. Artists and other creators are not your babysitters. And as for those that engage with the icky stuff, there's no shame to be had if you recognize and respect boundaries, so stop gaslighting yourself—the shame and self-hatred you experience will not make you a better person.
Just be safe, be educated, and be responsible. While this statement is admittedly rather broad, it's the only moral standard I can treat as sensible without going over any boundaries.